


It’s Been a While

by frantic65



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-23 23:56:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1584128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frantic65/pseuds/frantic65
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack's postcards are suddenly going unanswered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_It's been awhile since I've seen the way the candles light your face._  
It's been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste.  
~It’s Been A While by Staind~

He didn’t answer the last four postcards I’d sent him, but I knew that sometimes he took on temporary work or went on cattle drives that kept him away from home for months at a time, with no way to even get word to Alma and his girls, let alone get his mail forwarded to him out in the middle of a Montana meadow or on some shitty ranch that barely provided a roof over his head.

He liked to say that it gave him time to clear his head from all of the clutter that tended to gather there when he was between jobs, the wide open spaces of Big Sky Country soothing his soul in ways that even time spent with his girls…and me…. couldn’t.

I had sent the first one in early March, trying to get some time with him come mid April when the mountain snows would have left the trails navigable, but before the bulk of the spring rains turned everything into a muddy mess. The temperatures would still be brisk, especially at night, but we had never had trouble in the past keeping warm no matter what the season.

I mailed the next card exactly one month after the first, knowing that while April was most likely a loss by now, we had had some of our best times together in May. We could get access higher up into the mountains, and it was still early enough that the chances of our being disturbed by hikers, usually college students looking for a nice place to get stoned and laid, would be slim. And the more remote our campsite was, the more relaxed Ennis would be, all the better for me to pretend we were still young and unencumbered by the realities of wives and children…that maybe there was a ghost of a chance that he would choose a life together for us, instead of a life in the shadows.

By the time Lureen’s flowerbeds started blooming in earnest, there was still no word from Ennis, and the feeling that something was just not right in Wyoming began to wear heavily on my mind. The postcard I sent in early May included one piece of information I had tried to share with him before, but he had always gruffly refused.

It was my telephone number at work.

I knew he would never call me at home, even in the case of the direst emergency, but I had persevered long enough in the last conversation we’d had about other means of communication, that I believed he would try to contact me at the office, especially when I told him I had a direct line that would only ring my phone, going to a personal voice mail that only I could access if I wasn’t there to answer it.

Ennis wouldn’t take the number then, mumbling something derogatory about phones answering calls instead of real live people, but he’d let out a deep, throaty chuckle at the end when he saw my frustration with his refusal to embrace technology.

I seem to recall we had a more intimate discussion about methods of communicating later that same night in our tent. Ennis teased that my vocalizing when he stuck his dick up my ass could probably be heard back in Texas. I also recall mentioning that he’d most likely scared away all the wildlife in a five mile radius when I returned the favor in the stillness of the pre-dawn hours.

Spring became summer and there was still no word from Wyoming. I thought back to the last time we had been together, the previous November, desperately replaying every moment in an endless loop in my mind, trying with no success to pinpoint anything that seemed out of the ordinary with Ennis.

He had never been easy to read from the start, and I admit that was part of what attracted me; I enjoyed a challenge, and Ennis certainly qualified as the granddaddy of all brain teasers. As the years passed, my ability to read him tended to be best described as problematic. Sometimes the signal was crisp and clear, like a local radio station that played all my favorite songs continuously. More often though, the signal was fuzzy and drifting, and I was never quite sure how accurate a message I was receiving from him.

But aside from some grumbling about Alma and her nagging him about getting out more socially, and becoming involved in the community, nothing stood out in my mind that had happened, especially between us that would have caused him to stop communicating.

Adding my work number to the postcard was a desperate measure on my part to get some sort of response from him to at least let me know he was alive and kicking. I knew him well enough to know that if he suspected I was mad at him, he would hesitate meeting with me, because although Ennis would get caught in a barroom brawl at the drop of a hat, when it came to me, Ennis had been trying to avoid major confrontations ever since he’d sucker-punched me our last day on the mountain.

I know he had a lot of rage inside of him since life has certainly done him no great favors, but he wasn’t a naturally violent man, and although he often got rough enough while fucking to leave scratches, bruises, bite marks, and a sore ass as a souvenir, I gave as good as I got with Ennis.

We’d drop and grope each other wherever the need struck us, and with months between visits, we were pretty damn needy. I’ve been slammed against trees, tossed into the mud, and bent over random objects more times than I can count, and Ennis was mighty partial to the air mattress I started bringing with me a few years back.

I never had my doubts that he enjoyed our times together, and unless I started to run my mouth off about somehow seeing each other on a more or less permanent basis, we rarely fought or argued. I love the surly bastard and crave the feel of his unshaved cheek rubbing against my neck. I’m fucking addicted to the sensation of his rough, work-worn hands stroking my cock, and the wicked and divine stretch when his spit slickened fingers open me up, barely preparing me to be fucked hard and fast, with no worries about being overheard or over whelmed by reality.

Come summer’s end I was starting to feel desperate, he had never gone incommunicado for more than three months at a time, sometimes even taking the initiative and sending me the card first, often with just a few scribbled words hinting at an optimum time or location for our next rendezvous.

We never talked in detail about our lives away from each other, and to be honest neither one of us much cared, but I knew enough that by the end of September, I was planning a trip to Riverton.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack decides to pay a visit to Riverton

_So I stand and look around, distracted by the sounds_  
of everyone and everything I see.  
And I search through every face without a single trace, of the person  
the person that I need.  
~Disappear—Hoobastank~ 

I pulled over as soon as I reached the Riverton city limits, hands clutching the steering wheel as I stared straight ahead at the dusty and somewhat desolate highway that was spread out before me. 

I leaned my head back, resting it against the cold, hard glass of the pick-up’s back windshield, my mind racing as I tried to figure out my next move. 

I thought back over the past week, from the day I told Lureen I was heading back to Wyoming, unable to give her a definite answer when she wanted to know how long I’d be away. I saw the surprise on her face when I told her he thought my friend Ennis might be in trouble and I would only be back after I’d made sure everything was okay with him.

She’d opened her mouth as if to object, but seemed to change her mind as she took a closer look at my determined expression. The family business was doing well, and we both knew the other salespeople could take up the slack for me almost indefinitely. Lureen was a smart enough businesswoman to realize that when I was too distracted I lost my focus, and there was no denying that I had been growing increasingly worried about something over the past few months. 

She’d eventually just rolled her eyes and told me to let her know how she could get in touch in case of an emergency, and let me go off on my way. 

From there, I’d arranged to have my monthly commission checks sent to me at a PO Box in Lander, working solely off of instinct, and the increasing conviction that whatever was going on with Ennis was not going to be easily corrected. I just hoped that he would give me a chance to explain why I had felt the need to break so many of our unspoken rules by visiting him in the real world, out in the open, where people would be able to see us together.

I packed up as much shit as I could fit in my truck, glad that I had recently added a full-sized cap to the bed last year. I tossed in the air mattress Ennis favored, and most of the camping gear in case I could talk him into getting away for a few days. It was long past time for us to revisit and hopefully revise the state of our relationship, whatever that may be. Thinking over that last item on my agenda, I had a feeling finding Ennis was going to be the easiest part of my trip.

Now, sitting in my truck, alone and unsure of where to search next, I was forced to rethink my strategy.

I had rolled into Riverton two days ago, after checking into the Motel 6 just outside Lander that had obviously been built after our sex-filled reunion at the Siesta Motel a few years back. Not even for nostalgia’s sake would I ever consider spending another night in that shithole.

I had spent the better part of the first day catching up on my sleep, having driven almost straight through from Texas, only stopping for food and fuel. Since I had no idea what I would be facing, I wanted to make sure I was alert and ready for anything when I headed into Riverton the next morning. 

I wasn’t sure if Ennis still lived over the laundromat since reality’s details were never part of what we shared when we were together, but I had nowhere else to start, and I was pretty sure Alma would remember me, although whether that would be a plus or not remained to be seen. 

I had pulled into the pot-holed and broken up concrete lot, an overwhelming sense of déjà vu passing over me as I parked in the same spot I had chosen once before, on a day that ended up changing my life forever. My legs were shaky as I stepped out of the truck and my eyes were glued to the door that had been flung open the last time, the man that had emerged the most beautiful sight I had ever seen, smile on his face to rival the fucking sun.

Today, that door had remained shut, an unwelcome reminder that many things were not the same this time, perhaps even more than I could imagine. I climbed the worn wooden stairs, my footsteps echoing hollowly around me, my pace somewhat hesitant as I felt my normal confidence flagging as I reached my destination and knocked before I could completely lose my nerve. 

Behind the door I heard a baby cry, and I was suddenly fighting back an unexpected wave of jealousy. Had Alma given him another child after all these years? Perhaps a son, yet another reason for him to deny me the life I should be sharing with him. It would provide one possible explanation as to why Ennis would have suddenly cut himself off from me. A fucked up and completely bullshit reason, but knowing the way his mind worked, it would make perfect sense to him. 

The door opened and I saw an unfamiliar young dark-skinned woman peering suspiciously out at me. It was most definitely not Alma, and I felt a wave of relief when I saw the crying baby in her arms was even darker than she was. 

“Yes?” She eyed me cautiously, relaxing only slightly when I graced her with my most winning smile.

“Sorry to bother you, m’am.” I began respectfully, casually glancing past her to see two other small children sitting on the floor in front of a black and white TV, watching cartoons. “I was looking for a real good friend of mine that I’ve lost track of over the years, and this here was his last known address.” 

She sized me up for a moment and then gave me a tentative smile in return. “Well, we’ve only lived here for a few months. What’s your friend’s name?” 

“Ennis Del Mar.” I answered, being careful not to let my frustration show. “He lived here with his wife, Alma, and their two little girls. Do you know them?”

“Can’t say as I do, mister.” She bit her lip at the disappointment that must have shown on my face. “But I do remember the landlord telling me they still live in Riverton somewhere. I think the wife works in the grocery store down the street.”

I felt a headache coming on at the thought of tracking Alma down at her job to ask about her husband, my lover. I tipped my hat politely to the young girl before me, thanking her sincerely for the information. 

My step was heavy as I slowly walked down the stairs toward my truck, my thoughts inevitably turning to the last time I’d walked this way with Ennis so close behind me, both of us filled with so much anticipation and desire we could barely keep our hands off of each other. It seemed like a million years ago now. 

I drove back down Riverton’s version of Main Street USA; several blocks of tired looking storefronts that had seen better days, several of them boarded up and vacant. It didn’t take long for me to spot the lone grocery store and I quickly turned into the small parking lot alongside it before I could change my mind. 

I had stopped outside the long low window that stretched the length of the building, peering inside trying to spot Alma. The glare from the afternoon sunlight made it difficult to see too far inside the store, so I sighed in frustration and pulled open the door.

I had walked slowly up and down each aisle, trying not to look too obvious as I looked at every woman, finally deciding she must work a different shift or have the day off. Then I spotted her. It had been almost ten years since I’d met her, determined to steal her husband away, but there was no mistaking her slight frame and pretty face as she sat at a small desk behind the customer service counter, talking softly to one of the other clerks.

I’d taken a deep breath and approached the counter with a smile; a smile that was wiped clear off my face when Alma suddenly stood and stretched, her fingers dropping down to caress her obviously pregnant belly. 

I quickly turned and headed for the exit, my mind not wanting to process what my eyes had seen. I got into my truck and drove to the city limits on autopilot, certain that my biggest nightmare had finally come true, and Ennis had decided to abandon me…abandon us…to live a lie that would eventually lead to bitterness and frustration.

And here I sat, wanting with every ounce of my being to leave Riverton and Ennis behind forever in a cloud of dust. But some part of me, the eternal optimist couldn’t help but hope that this was just some big mistake.

I would stop being a fucking coward, and go back to see Alma in the morning, telling her I was just passing through and wanted to have a few drinks with Ennis. I was pretty sure she’d tell me where to find him.

I owed it to Ennis to at least give him a chance to explain.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack decides to take his chances and questions Alma about Ennis's whereabouts

_Now what if I never kiss your lips again, or feel the touch of your sweet embrace._  
How would I ever go on? Without you there’s no place to belong.  
~It’s Not Good-bye by Laura Pausini~ 

 

I headed back to my lonely motel room, no closer to finding Ennis then I had been that morning. If anything, I only had more questions.

I had no idea where he and his family were living, although it would seem he was still in Riverton or at least close enough that Alma could continue to work at the grocery. 

I had nothing to do until the next morning, except wait and worry about what I would find out. 

I walked across the parking lot to the Denny’s, not really very hungry but wanting the noise and bustle of other people around me, living normal lives, enjoying each other’s company. It should have made me feel even more miserable, but somehow I found that it gave me the slightest glimmer of hope that maybe after I found Ennis and made sure he was okay, we could make some improvements to our relationship. The world had changed a whole lot since we first met on a mountain in 1963.

I didn’t for a minute imagine he’d agree to anything drastic, but with L.D. gone and Lureen in charge of the family business, I knew I could take off a whole lot more time than I’d been able to in the beginning. And I had to be honest with myself; I wasn’t satisfied with the amount of time we had been spending together for the past five years or so. 

At first, when I had come to see him after four fucking years, he had been eager to meet up, sometimes even adding an extra few days at the end of our trips without my even asking. He had been relaxed for most of our trips, or at least as relaxed as the man could get, but there had been laughter and horsing around…and enough fucking that we both left our fishing expeditions fucked out and sore as hell. My long drives home were usually spent with a pillow under my ass until I reached Texas. 

He would smile when he saw me pull into the trailhead, and hold on tight when we first said hello, always a reminder that in a different world I would have been his, and we would never have been apart. 

But as the years went by, that had slowly changed. His life away from me was tough and although he was too proud to admit it, I knew he was living on the verge of poverty. He was worried about providing for his family, but would never let me help with so much as a loan. I would have gladly done anything he asked to make his life easier; God knows he hadn’t asked for the shitty hand that fate had dealt him. 

Only once, when he was near frantic with worry over his youngest girl’s asthma, and how she was gonna get through the winter without a special type of humidifier that let off a medicated mist at night for her lungs, did he accept my help. It would cost $50 and he never seemed to hold onto a job long enough to get any health insurance on the few ranches that might offer it. So I slipped a fifty into his jacket pocket that last night. I saw him freeze the next morning when he put his hands in his pockets, making sure I was otherwise occupied before he removed the money to look at it. He never mentioned it and neither did I, but the next time I saw him, he made a point of telling me how relieved Alma was when a Good Samaritan sent them the money anonymously giving his baby girl a much healthier winter than in the past. 

But those were the good times, and in recent years they were few and far between. I was hoping that I could convince him to spend a few days with me in a motel further outside of Riverton several times a year in addition to our camping trips, where we could concentrate on each other, without having to worry about any other distractions like building fires or pitching tents. 

I took a shower when I got back to my room, lying on the bed without bothering to get dressed, suddenly so tired I could barely stay awake. I must have dozed off, because I awoke with a start when there was a knock on my door. 

It was late and I certainly wasn’t expecting company, so I walked over to the door, cautiously asking who was there. 

“Jack” I heard a familiar voice whisper, “Let me in quick.” 

“Ennis?!” I threw open the door, amazed to see him standing there. He pushed past me and shut the door, turning to grab me and press me back against the wall, mouth descending on mine hard enough draw blood. He kissed me breathless, and I returned the favor, only breaking away when he grabbed me by the arms and headed for the bed.

I was hard and leaking by this time, with absolutely no idea how he had found me, or where he had been for all those months. But I felt drugged by his taste, burning fiercely with the desire to feel him inside of me. All that mattered, all that could matter, was the way I felt when I was in his arms, satisfied and complete…and loved. 

He shoved two fingers in my mouth, and I eagerly slicked them with my spit. Moaning and arching impatiently as he reached between my wantonly spread legs to slide both fingers into my tight hole, I whispered for him to hurry up and fuck me. It had been oh so long, and I couldn’t stop myself from begging for his cock. 

He finger fucked me until I wanted to scream in both ecstasy and frustration, before pulling my legs up onto his shoulders, his cock nudging against my ass until he pushed slowly inside. 

I tensed briefly, and he waited until I let out a deep breath, slipping inside further until his balls were nestled against my ass. He started a steady rhythmic pounding and I felt myself beginning to crest a tidal wave of an orgasm within seconds. I shouted out how much I had missed him, reaching out to caress his face as I shot my load, confused and frightened when I pulled my hand back sticky and dripping with my come, but now I was totally alone in the bed. 

I jumped to my feet, heedless of the mess I had made on my stomach, calling out Ennis’s name in desperation. I slowly sank back onto the bed when I realized it had simply been a dream. I dropped my face down into my hands, wondering if the dream had been a good omen or bad. 

It was 5am and there was no way I was going to get any more sleep, so I cleaned myself up, got dressed and grabbed some coffee and an omelette, before heading back into town and the grocery store. 

I got there about 6:15 and knew from the sign on the door that it opened at seven. I was sitting in my truck thinking over what I wanted to say to Alma, when I noticed a Chevy Impala pull into a parking space a few rows back from me. A man stepped out and walked to the passenger side, opening the door and reaching inside to help a woman get out. She smiled up at him, her hands straightening her coat down over her swollen stomach, laughing happily as he leaned down to give her a kiss, their fingers joining briefly over her pregnant belly.

It was Alma, and the man with her was most definitely not Ennis. 

I felt a jolt of relief followed by concern, wondering if Alma was simply stepping out with another man behind Ennis’s back, or if she had finally decided she wanted more than he could give her, and found herself a new man, a better provider judging by the look of his car and his clothes. 

I decided there was no time like the present to approach her, and actually welcomed the presence of the other man. I was hoping she would be more willing to give me the information I needed quickly if she wasn’t alone.

I walked toward them, doing my best to appear casual and not threatening in any way. She gave me a cursory glance as I got closer, and started to nod a greeting. Then she stopped in her tracks, a frown of recognition shadowing her features. Her companion turned to her, her name a question on his lips as she stared at me stonily. 

“Hello, Alma.” I nodded at her politely, my stomach churning like a tornado. “I don’t know if you remember m----“

“Oh I know who you are, Jack Twist.” She interrupted angrily. “I can’t say as I ever expected you to show up here again.” 

“Alma? Who is this?” the man at her side shot me an unfriendly look, not knowing if I was someone he needed to be concerned about. 

“It’s alright, Monroe.” She glanced at him quickly, a reassuring smile on her face for him. “This is Ennis’s fishing buddy, Jack. He’s from Texas. You can go on in the store. I’ll just be a minute.” 

Monroe hesitated, but it appeared that he was used to doing as he was told where Alma was concerned. “I’ll be just inside the door waiting.” She nodded and turned her attention back to me as he walked out of earshot.

“I suppose you’re here looking for Ennis?” She asked with a slightly disgusted look on her face. 

Her reaction stopped me cold and an icy hand seemed to trail slowly down my back. Did she fucking know about us? I decided to play dumb and simply try to find out where the hell Ennis was. I was suddenly very frightened for him. If Alma did know anything, and it had gotten in the wrong ears, then Ennis could well be rotting in a ditch somewhere by now. 

My thoughts must have been obvious to her, because she looked sad for a moment, and her voice dropped to a whisper. “I know all about you and Ennis.” I looked at her sharply, my face a giant question mark. “I saw you together.” She explained somewhat bitterly. “That day you paid him a visit at our home. I came outside to meet this Jack Twist that Ennis was so anxious to see again after four years, and he was…kissing you…right out in the open for anyone to see.” 

I closed my eyes and uttered a silent curse. What must Ennis have done when she told him? 

“Where is he, Alma?” I knew I should at least offer an apology to her for crushing whatever dreams she may have had all those years ago, but she had apparently moved on and nothing I could say to her would have helped Ennis.

She looked almost smug for a moment, making me feel even more uneasy, before her expression became neutral and she pointed in a direction that would take me out of town to a desolate area near the Interstate.

“He lives in a trailer off of Route 78. There’s a dirt road out past the truck stop, but he won’t be happy to see you.” She tossed me a challenging look. “If I were you, I’d just forget about Ennis Del Mar. He’s not the same man you remember.” 

With that, she turned away from me, and walked stiffly toward the store, cradling her unborn baby as though it was a consolation prize. 

“Alma!” I called out to her and she paused and glanced back. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry you were hurt by what you saw that day, but I’m here to help him now, and I’ll take him away with me if there’s no longer anything here for him.” 

“You do that Jack Twist…you can take him to hell for all I care.” 

I walked back to my truck feeling as though I’d aged twenty years. I put the key in the ignition and turned over the engine. I peeled out of the parking lot, leaving two black strips of rubber behind.

I knew where to find Ennis now, but I had no clue what I would I find when I got there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack finally tracks down his man.

_I'm crossing that bridge, with lessons I've learned._  
I'm playing with fire, and not getting burned.  
I may not know what you're going through,  
But time is the space, between me and you.  
~Prayer for the Dying by Seal~ 

My mood was grim after my confrontation with Alma. Not only had she confirmed that my suspicions were right and Ennis had been deliberately ignoring my postcards, but she had hinted that something was very wrong with Ennis.

I could only imagine the worst, considering she had obviously left him months ago for another man. A man she had either shacked up with or married, proudly starting a new family with him, no doubt limiting Ennis’s time with his daughters at the same time. 

And she had admitted she knew about us, had fucking seen us the first and only time I had come to visit Ennis in Riverton. Had she told Ennis that she knew? That alone would have been enough to cause him to go off the deep end. He had enough self-hate and denial over his sexual preference to fill a whole library of books when he was pretty sure he and I were the only ones who knew about our high altitude fucks. 

But if Alma had told anyone that Ennis was queer, she had to know it could potentially hurt the girls as well. Riverton was a small town, and if word got out there was always the possibility someone would be hate-filled and spiteful enough to target innocent children. At the very least, it would put Ennis’s life in danger, and a father bashed or killed for liking other men was not a legacy Alma would want for her daughters. 

My money was on her telling Ennis only, and holding that information over his head as a way to be sure he granted her an uncontested divorce, with whatever visitation rights she felt he deserved. I pulled over to the side of the road and heaved up my breakfast. Ennis must feel like he’s living in Hell. 

I pulled the tailgate down on my truck, hoisting myself up into the bed where I sat for a while, letting the cool morning air blow into my face, trying to clear my head for whatever I might be up against just a few miles down the road.

If I knew one thing about Ennis Del Mar, my showing up on his doorstep was not going to make him a happy camper. I’d be lucky to get in the front door, especially if Alma had talked to him as I suspected. 

But I hadn’t come all this way to get turned away, no matter how paranoid Ennis might be. We had a history together, whether he liked it or not, and I could be just as pig-headed and stubborn as him. There was not a fucking thing wrong with two old friends catching up with each other, and the sooner I saw him, the better I was going to feel. 

I followed Alma’s rather vague directions, but sure enough as soon as I passed the truck stop, I saw a pot-holed and narrow dirt road that meandered haphazardly off into the distance across the flatlands. And there, so far in the distance I had to squint to even determine what I was looking at, was a small trailer, isolated and sad-looking, just the type of place I could imagine Ennis would call home. 

I drove slowly and carefully toward the trailer, a cloud of dust in my wake despite my best efforts not to disturb the ground too much. I hadn’t seen Ennis in almost a year, I’d rather not be covered in grime when I finally got him in my arms again. 

As I got closer to the trailer, I slowed down even more, the sheer concern I felt when I started to get a good look at the place Ennis had been calling home, almost overwhelming me.   
I wasn’t a snob; hell the ranch I grew up on was about as poor as it gets, but my Momma always kept things neat and clean, and my Daddy kept up all right with basic repairs, never letting anything get run down or rotted.

The trailer that was now barely a hundred yards before me though, well, it was looking about as run down and abandoned as something you’d see in a junkyard somewhere waiting to get steamrolled into a little ball of metal. 

If I was a suspicious man, I’d be tempted to think Alma had played a cruel trick on me, sending me to an empty trailer, but I knew Ennis had grown up destitute and homeless after his parents had died and his siblings had cut him loose. To someone like that, anything that gave him shelter from a storm would do just fine. Forget that 95% of the population of the free world would find it a hovel, as long as his daughters didn’t go without, any old shithole would do for him. 

I pulled up next to the trailer, frowning because it was obvious there was no other vehicle parked in the vicinity. Maybe Ennis wasn’t home right now. It was a Saturday, but ranch work didn’t have banker’s hours. I don’t know why I never considered he might be out, but there had been something about the expression on Alma’s face that made me think she knew that Ennis wouldn’t be anywhere else but here.

I got out of the truck, using the side mirror to check my hair, making sure I didn’t have dust or dirt on my face. If Ennis was watching me from inside he’d be laughing his ass off at my half-assed grooming attempt, and it suddenly struck me that I’d wear fucking lipstick if it meant I could hear his deep, rumbling chuckle again. 

“Enough stalling, Twist.” I gave myself an impromptu pep talk, squaring my shoulders and approaching the side door. I put one foot on top of the wooden crate that acted as a step, and knocked. 

The sound seemed to echo back at me, as though I was knocking on the door of an empty room…or a tomb. Shaking my head to clear out depressing thoughts, I leaned forward and knocked again, this time more insistently as my anxiety grew. 

The next few seconds stretched on for what seemed like hours, the complete silence inside the trailer and the surrounding grounds starting to grate on my nerves. 

I gave it one more shot, rapping sharply with my knuckles, ending in a flat-handed slap of frustration at the end. 

I turned away, dejected and defeated, when I heard a slight scraping noise inside, and a familiar voice called out, “Go away! Whoever you are and whatever you’re selling, I don’t want any. This is private property.” 

I ran back up to the door, pressing my palm against the worn aluminum surface. “Ennis? I hear a loud thud that sounds suspiciously like a body falling. “Ennis! You alright?” I hear cursing and a gasp of pain. I reach down and try the doorknob, the one thing on the fucking trailer that is shiny and new, and locked up tight. 

“Jack?” I hear a mix of pain and fear in his tone. “Go away, Jack. I don’t want you here.”   
Well, fuck that. “Listen, Ennis, don’t be a stubborn ass. I came all the way from Texas to see you. Now open the goddamn door and let me in.” 

Silence. “Open up, Ennis, or I swear I’ll bust it down.” I pound a few times to make my point. “Are you hurt?”

“Fuck off, Twist! What if someone sees you her--?” He sounds panicked now.

“So fucking what, Ennis? Who the hell cares about two old buddies catching up on life way out here at the ass end of Wyoming?” I lean my forehead against the door, deciding to try another tactic. 

“C’mon, Friend. There’s no one around.” I use my most persuasive tone. “I came all this way to make sure you’re okay. You stopped answering my postcards. You wouldn’t call me even after I gave you my private number at work.” I speak just slightly above a whisper. I need to see him. I know there is something horribly wrong just beyond this thin door that separates us.

“Ennis, please.” So now I’ve resorted to begging. 

More silence. I’ve run out of ideas. 

Finally, I hear that scraping, dragging sound from inside again, followed by a loud bang as something hits the door hard. The lock clicks and I whisper a word of thanks into the Wyoming breeze. 

I push the door open, expecting to see Ennis sitting or kneeling near the door nursing a sore ankle or twisted knee, but he is standing there, grim-faced and haggard looking, the fingers of each hand clenched tightly on a pair of braces that are obviously supporting all of his weight. 

I step inside far enough to close the door behind me, the only thought in my mind getting near enough to pull him into my arms, but he slants his body stiffly away from me, and I let my outstretched arms fall to my sides helplessly.

Instead I let my eyes hungrily trail down his body, stopping short when I reach the floor, where I suddenly realize he is desperately trying to keep his balance using the braces and his left foot; the spot where his right foot should be simply an open space where the leg of his jeans hangs loose…and totally empty.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack Twist proves to be a man of action.

_In the brightest hour of my darkest day,_  
I realized what is wrong with me.  
Can't get over you, can't get through to you;  
It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start.  
~Forever by Papa Roach~ 

“Ennis, what happened?” I was devastated at the thought that he had been so seriously injured, and even more so that he had not tried to contact me to let me know. 

He looked like a cornered animal…a wounded cornered animal, and I kept my distance for the moment, having encountered a feral Ennis on more than one occasion during our often stormy time together. 

Ennis had been emotionally damaged long before I met him, and although I wasn’t a poster boy for Norman Rockwell where my family was concerned, his feelings of abandonment and self-loathing were demons I wasn’t equipped to handle on a good day. 

Today was about as far from a good day as you could get and still be considered a part of the human race. 

I pushed back my worry and frustration, concentrating instead on getting him to at least let me touch him and then get down to the business of prying what the fuck had happened to him since I saw him last. 

“Sit down.” I urged him gently, noticing how arms were trembling slightly from the death grip he had on his braces. I glanced around the living area, my thoughts grim as I saw the poverty and squalor he was living in. Fucking Alma better hope we never crossed paths anytime soon, or as soon as her latest bun popped out of the oven, I was going to disgrace my Momma by bitch-slapping a true bitch. 

A threadbare and questionably stable recliner seemed to be the only place to sit in the entire room, and just the fact that he lowered himself heavily into the chair without a fight spoke volumes about the discomfort he must have been feeling. 

I gave him a minute to catch his breath and shift until he found a position that offered him some relief, before I knelt beside him, forcing him to acknowledge me when he would have turned away again. 

“Look at me, Ennis.” He only raised his eyes as far as my chin, but it was a start. “Did you really think I’d just let you disappear on me like you were a figment of my imagination?” I lightly touched the cuff of his shirt, careful not to brush against his skin, watching as he looked down at the spot where my fingers rested. “You stubborn son-of-a-bitch, what the hell happened to you?”

He finally looked directly at me, misery and despair in his expression. “Rolled my truck.” He mumbled reluctantly, obviously hoping I’d leave it at that. 

“How?” A little more detail would be useful if I was going to try to help him here, and it was damn well apparent no one else gave a shit about him. 

“I was mad at Alma for threa--…um…not letting me see the girls on my weekend.” He’s frowning, and I know this is only part of the truth. I can already guess how Alma was going to make sure he didn’t put up a fuss with the courts about it. 

“Got drunk.” He continues, fingers worrying away at his worn denim. “I was fucking stupid, and thought I was okay to drive, but I hit a patch of black ice. Ended up in a ditch, with the truck crushing my leg. No one saw me til daylight next morning.” He points at the empty space where his foot used to be. “By the time they got me to the emergency, it was too late to save it.” His voice broke slightly at the end, and I moved my hand from rubbing the fabric of his shirt to gripping his bicep tightly. 

“Ennis…” I’m not sure what to say to make it better, but he pulls his arm away before I have a chance to go on.

“Why are you here, Jack?” He asks, voice bitter and as cold as the ice that caused his accident. “I don’t want you here. You never could just leave me be, could you? So, why don’t you just take the hint and fuck off!” He pulls his arm away and then gives me a shove, but I’m ready for it, so I don’t topple over onto my ass. 

I can’t help but be hurt by what he said, but I know it’s a lethal combination of embarrassment, fear, paranoia, and a general weariness that is causing him to lash out so viciously. I can see that his defenses are at full force, but I also know that I am the only person who gives a shit what happens to him. I’m his lover, and in a different world I would be his partner, but it is my responsibility and love for him that needs to persist until he understands that I will never desert him, especially not in these circumstances. 

The best way to defeat his defenses is to be strong, never letting him see any sign of weakness or doubt. In many ways, it’s like dealing with a defiant child. Let him see you are more determined than he is, and never let him see you sweat. 

“So you want me to fuck off, do you?” I lean up on my knees, placing one hand on each armrest, caging him in between my arms, invading his personal space aggressively. “I’m not going anywhere, you bastard. Looks to me like you may need a helping hand, friend, and seems they are in short supply around here.”

“Leave, goddamn you!” His lips are a thin white line, his jaw clenched tighter than ever, eyes burning with anger and a touch of self-hatred that I can certainly understand; pride is a hard thing to let go of when it’s all you really have left.

“Listen to me very carefully, Ennis.” I track him with my eyes, never quite catching his glance enough to lock in on it, but close enough to keep him from trying to use violence to remove me. “I am not going anywhere until I am satisfied that you are able to take care of yourself. Properly.” I add that because living in a condemned trailer is not my idea of a decent quality of life.

Some of the wind leaves his sails, and I see a glimmer of hope cross fleetingly across his face. I back off a little, reaching out to rub the side of his haphazardly shaven face with my palm, moving up to lightly ruffle his hair. He looks at me from under his eyelashes, almost shyly, and I suddenly remember the tall gangly boy that stole my heart so many years ago.

“What’ll people think?” He is frowning, but at least he is no longer pulling away from me.

“What people, Ennis?” I ask him honestly. “When is the last time anyone worried about what you were doing? It looks to me like no one cares if you live or die here, let alone if an old friend pays you a visit to help you out.”

He doesn’t say anything, and I know he is mostly worried about what Alma will think, and if she will tell his girls about us. 

“Do you ever get out of this trailer?” I’m beginning to think he’s been totally cut off from the outside world, and although he’s never exactly been a ‘people’ person, he never shied away from interacting with others when he had to.

Who did his shopping? Who took him to the doctor? Shouldn’t he be having some sort of therapy, physical and emotional, dealing with the loss of his leg? And I knew nothing about medicine, but I had known a few rodeo guys who’d lost a limb in bad falls, and every one of them had an artificial replacement that they had been taught to use, that helped them feel closer to normal again.

“No reason to. Can’t work, can’t hardly walk. Everyone just stares and points. I’m useless.”I feel my temper rising at his defeated tone, but instead of sounding off, I try a different tack.

“Well, I think you could use a change of scenery, and I’m fucking starving. I know what your cooking is like, so I propose we head on over to that greasy spoon diner by the truck stop and get some decent grub.” I wink at him and watch him blush. “I’m a growing boy.” 

His gaze finally shows some heat at my words, and I know that if he were well, I’d be bent over the card table in the corner, getting fucked seven ways to Sunday. I press my advantage, pushing him back in his chair and claiming his lips in a rough kiss, moaning into his mouth as I tasted his familiar flavor. He answers me with a grunt, and his fingers weave tightly into my hair, his hunger for me as intense and unchanging as the first time we touched.

“Ennis.” I whisper his name against his lips, my fingers stroking his cheek as I feel him shudder and try to pull away.

“Jack, you need to go.” His voice is quiet and defeated, a shadow of the deep rumble that I’m used to. “I can’t give you what you want anymore.” 

“What I want,” I tell him confidently, my forehead flush against his, the way we had spent many a night in front of the campfire. “is for you to let me help you get your life back together. I’ve seen enough to know that no one else is even trying to help you, and frankly, that’s bullshit, Ennis.” 

He closes his eyes and sighs, he knows that once I make up my mind, there’s not much that can be done to change it. He rubs a weary hand across his brow, and I know that I’ve won this round at least. 

“First order of business is getting something to eat.” I keep my tone even and neutral, knowing full well that any hint of pity or coddling will simply cause him to shut me down and kick me out. I look around for a coat, but only find his well worn work jacket that has seen much better days. I wonder if I can sneak some clothes into a duffle bag so I can get his stuff laundered properly, take an inventory, buy him some new things…just the basics.   
“Jack what are you doing?” Ennis is eyeing me with suspicion as I take the walking tour of his seriously confined living space. 

I need to get him out of this totally inappropriate living space and into a small apartment in town where he can be close to the doctor, the market, the pharmacy, the social serv—“Jack!” 

At the sound of my name being yelled in frustration, I turn my attention to Ennis once again, realizing that while my mind was moving a mile a minute, he may need a little more time to catch up, and catch on. I knew I was going to have a battle on my hands, and my long range plans, well, they involved so much more than a small apartment in Riverton, but there was no way I was going to tip my hand quite yet. 

“Relax, Ennis. I’m already here and I’ve got a few days off, so just indulge me and let me take care of a few things for you. Besides, I’m fucking starving and the restaurant near my motel has some kick ass food.” I’ve been grabbing random articles of clothing from the bed and the floor while I’ve been talking and shoving them in a canvas sack I found in a corner. 

If I had my way, he’d be staying with me for the next few days until I could find out what benefits he was entitled to as a permanently disabled citizen of the great state of Wyoming.  
I hand him his jacket, stopping short of helping him put it on. “You got any medication that you need to take with you?” I don’t see anything that even remotely looks like prescription drug bottles even with a quick glance into his postage stamp of a bathroom. 

He shoots me a look that lets me know just how far from the middle class he is, where basic needs are barely able to be met, and everyone is too stubbornly proud to accept help from the government because that would be considered a hand-out of the worst sort. I had been away from the reality of life in an economically depressed state for far too long. I was suddenly ashamed that I had let the much more comfortable life style of a middle class member of the country club set seduce me into forgetting about the poverty I had escaped, yet others were still struggling to overcome. 

“Come on.” I urge him. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Ennis come to a very tentative understanding.

_I'm running out of ways to make you see_  
I want you to stay here beside me.  
I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am  
So just tell me today and take my hand,  
Please take my hand.  
Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back.  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind,  
Only love.  
~Just Say Yes~Snow Patrol 

I watch him closely as we walk over to my truck. I keep my hands to myself and try not to hover as he struggles to keep his balance on the rocky terrain outside his trailer. He grunts a few times in pain as his body is jolted by a slight misstep, and it’s obvious from the awkward way he holds them, that he has had very little practice in using the braces.  
I bite my lip and pretend to examine the weeds off to my left, keeping him in my peripheral vision as we approach the truck.

I get there before him and open the door, ignoring the glare that is most likely aimed at my back for having the nerve to treat him like he was less than a big strong man. I roll my eyes at him when he mutters that he could have opened his own damn door, but I stubbornly stand right next to him while he figures out the best way to step on the running board and pull himself into the seat without falling on his ass.

I make sure I don’t touch him, but we share a small smile when he finally gets himself situated with only a minimum of fuss. I can see that he is proud of his accomplishment, small as it is, and I squeeze his forearm gently before I close the door.

I hop into the driver’s seat, shooting him a grin as I turn the ignition. “I don’t know about you, but I am fucking starving, Ennis.”

I press down on the accelerator, throwing up dust and rocks in our wake. I hear Ennis mutter, “Wild ass” under his breath, and for a moment I can almost believe the years have melted away as we head down the same highway we traveled so many years ago, when the future didn’t seem so bleak for the both of us.

“Where we headed?” Ennis finally asks, jaw clenched in his usual manner. But I notice the slight softening around his lips that indicates he is starting to relax, and I can’t stop myself from reaching across the seat to give his shoulder a quick squeeze.

"Well, food is definitely the first order of business for me, and by the looks of your skinnier than usual ass, you could use a good meal or twenty yourself. That truck stop diner looks like I'll end up spending the rest of the day in the bathroom if I eat there, so we'll go to the Denny's near my motel to play it safe."

I brush the back of my hand across his cheek swiftly, the touch so brief he doesn't have time to grumble. "After that, think of me as your personal chauffeur 'cause I'm sure there are things that need to be handled while you're out and about."

He shifts in his seat until he is angled toward me, and I almost miss it when he mumbles a shy thank you in my direction.

“Thanks for what, Ennis?” I ask him placing both of my hands back on the steering wheel to avoid touching him again. I’ll try my luck when I get him alone again, but even in the relative privacy of my truck I know not to press the physical contact. “I hope you’d do the same for me if the situation was reversed.”

He blushes and looks out the front windshield, and I wonder just how long it’s been since he’s been out in the fresh air anyway. I open my mouth to ask him, but he starts to speak first, his deep voice rumbling through me in that familiar and arousing manner that had had me trying to get him to talk to me from the day we met.

"If the world was a different place, you know I might have taken you up on your offer to be together." he sighs and brushes his hand across his nose roughly. "When Alma left me, I thought about you, and wished there was some way we could start over."

He turns to me and I see despair and frustration on his face; feelings I have observed so many times with growing frequency in my own bathroom mirror. We are in agreement that life has been nothing but unfair to us. 

I want to tell him that maybe this awful thing that has happened to him; this tragic loss, just may have an unexpected outcome. That maybe this is fate's way of making the decision for him...for us. 

But I keep silent, knowing that he's had to make a lot of adjustments in his life recently, and my pressuring him to come back to Texas with me would not go over well at all right now. I need to concentrate on bringing his quality of life back up to a bearable level, before I can expect him to seriously consider something as drastic as that.

"Ennis," I tell him quietly as we pull into the restaurant parking lot "you should have told me. There's no reason you should have gone through this alone."

I turn off the truck and clutch the keys tightly, pointing at him with my index finger. "But I'm here now and you're not getting rid of me until I am satisfied that you can fend for yourself. Things'll be better from now on, I promise you that much."

I walk around the truck and open the door for him, reaching inside to grab his braces from the floor and handing them to him without saying a word. He takes them with a grunt of thanks, obviously willing to accept a minimal amount of help as long as I don't draw attention to it. It was fine with me. I knew him well enough to know how much that small release of his control to me was costing him. 

He plants one brace in the blacktop next to the truck, sliding slowly off the seat, balancing himself until he has his bearings and his remaining foot placed firmly on the ground. It wasn't graceful, but he does it on his own, and I can tell from the set of his shoulders that it's a welcome boost to his self-esteem.

I stay next to him as we travel across the parking lot to the restaurant doors, letting him set the pace while I talk non-stop about how I'm going to order the biggest fucking breakfast on the menu and probably still go away hungry.

His brow wrinkles in concentration, and he's breathing heavily with the effort of plodding along with only the braces for support. I recall how difficult it has been for me to maneuver on crutches the time I had busted my ankle getting thrown from a bull. At least I had been able to use my bad foot for balance if I needed to, but Ennis has no such buffer, and I wonder again why no one has insisted he get a prosthetic replacement. I don't know much about medicine, but I do know that there must be some law on the books, even in godforsaken Wyoming, that would provide basic medical benefits to a resident who was now permanently disabled and unable to earn a living, regardless of the circumstances under which he'd become injured. 

I open the door for him, glaring at several people who are looking at Ennis with a mix of curiosity and pity on their faces. I push up closely against him as we enter the restaurant lobby, fingers itching to curl around his shoulders protectively, defiantly letting everyone know that there was nothing pitiful about my man.

I see the hostess shoot us a quick glance, but her welcoming smile stays firmly in place as she grabs menus and leads us to a booth. She waits patiently for Ennis to settle awkwardly on the bench seat before telling us to enjoy our meal and walking away.

He's sweating and pale, and I'm suddenly furious at him for accepting his fate without a fight; like a fucking lamb being led to slaughter. I know it's not really fair, but I think the initial shock is fading, leaving a whole lot of room for the confusion and anger to take hold.

"So explain to me exactly how it is that you are living like a fucking hermit in that jail cell of a trailer, living on what I guess must be goddamn nuts and berries, with no access to transportation or physical therapy, or anything else resembling a quality of life better than a stray dog?"

He stares at me in speechless disbelief; obviously expecting me to continue to hold my tongue since we were in a public place, or maybe pretend that I didn't notice how fucked up this whole situation was for him. 

Well, Mr. Ennis Del Mar, it is long past time for me to introduce you to my good friend, Tough Love.

I open his menu and slam it down in front of him, my finger pointing at a random item. "Now, you order something that will put some meat on your skinny ass, and after that, we will go back to my room, so you can soak yourself in a tub of hot water. Then, we are going to take a nap...together, and finally we are going to find a way to fix this fucked up nightmare you apparently think is a life."

I see a flash of anger cross his face, but instead of lashing out at me in his usual manner, he simply nods, looking tired and defeated, obediently reading the selections in the menu.

Our meal passes quietly after that, and casual conversation flows easily as we decide to enjoy being in each other's company, regardless of the circumstances that brought us together.

By the end of the meal, I want nothing more than to get him alone, to hold him and touch every inch of his body, grateful that he managed to survive the accident at all. I had come so close to losing him forever, and I never would have known what had happened. 

I open the door to my room and toss his duffle bag on the floor, resisting the urge to turn and help him inside. Instead, I walk into the bathroom and stop the drain in the tub, twisting the faucet to its hottest setting, wasting no time in starting to check off the items on my mental list. 

I place the bathmat on the floor next to the tub; rummage around in my toiletries bag until I find a small package of bath salts Lureen had left in there from one of our rare shared vacations a few years back. It was some sort if minty scented stuff and I laughed to myself, thinking that Ennis would have kicked my ass with his remaining foot if I had tried to get him in a girly scented tub of water. I was looking at a struggle to get him to cooperate as it was without adding fuel to the fire.

I walked back into the bedroom, where I found him sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed, looking about as lost and scared as Bobby the first time Lureen and I left him at summer camp. 

I smiled easily at him, sitting next to him on the bed and nodding toward the sound of running water. "I'm getting that bath I mentioned ready for you." I slide my arm across his shoulders and touch the buttons on his shirt with my other hand. "Want some help getting undressed?"

He tenses even more beneath my touch, and I sigh and press a kiss to his temple. "Will you relax? I promise I have purely selfish reasons for wanting to remove your clothes. It's been an awful long time since I've seen you."   
"Not much to look at right now, Jack." he mumbles unhappily, but he puts his hands down at his sides and I accept the invitation and slowly unbutton his shirt. 

"You are a sight for sore eyes to me, boy." I tell him softly, my lips finding his in a fierce kiss. He groans deep within his chest, sliding his hand behind my neck to pull me closer.

I feel a part of me begin to loosen in relief at his response, and another part of me tightens in response to the feeling of his tongue slipping into my mouth. Aside from the four years we were apart after that first summer, this has been the longest I've gone without touching him, without feeling his warm flesh beneath my restless fingers, without feeling his hot breath and hearing the sounds he makes when we are kissing. 

I thrust my tongue against his eagerly, enjoying the sensation of his stubbled skin scratching against mine roughly, moaning when he breaks the kiss to mouth his way slowly from my chin to my neck.

He pulls back as I push the shirt from his shoulders slowly, flinching as he sees my expression when I finally see his naked torso. I can't hide my reaction to the sight of his too thin frame. I trace his ribs gently with both hands, meeting his eyes sadly, pressing one last kiss against his lips, and whispering that it doesn't matter as long as we make sure we fix this together. We sit for a moment in complete silence lost in our own thoughts. I hear the water running in the bathroom, and quickly go check to make sure the tub hasn't overflowed. 

When I come back, he's managed to remove all but his briefs on his own, and I struggle to keep my expression blank as I catch sight of his injured leg for the first time. I see the shame and disgust on his face, but I force myself to take a good look at the angry-looking reddened skin covering the stump where his foot used to be. I realize that while it's strange to see, I don't find it repulsive; it doesn't make me love him any less, I don't consider him any less desirable. I approach him slowly, simply holding out my hand to him when I'm close enough, being sure to look him in the eyes when I tell him it doesn't matter.

He tries to pull away, but I hold tight to his fingers, repeating the words again, ready to repeat myself as many times as it will take to convince him that I'm not about to reject him, or leave him just because he's lost a limb. We belong to each other; we have since the day we met, and I am not going to let him give up on us after all these years.

I pick up one of his braces with my free hand, and give it to him, telling him to use it for support while I remove his briefs. He seems to be resigned to the fact that he needs to accept my help, so I simply finish undressing him, ignoring the way he flinches when my fingers brush over his scarred skin.

I caress the smooth muscles of his buttocks, trying to reassure him and calm him, much like I've seen him do when he strokes the flanks of one of his horses. I give his ass a gentle slap, telling him to start for the bathroom. 

"You're not coming with me?" he asks curiously.

"I'll be right behind you, Ennis." I watch his expression carefully as I continue. "But first I have to get naked, too." 

He immediately blushes, and I laugh, happy to see some things haven't changed between us, giving me hope that maybe this tragedy will finally do what years of pleading with him has failed to accomplish. 

I strip quickly, keeping one eye on Ennis to make sure he doesn't fall, all the while appreciating the view of his ass, still as muscled and toned as the day I met him. He disappears inside the bathroom, but I'm there before he has to decide how to climb into the water, stepping into the tub ahead of him, holding out my arms to steady him. 

He shoots me a disgruntled look, but I ignore him; there's no way I'm letting anything lessen the anticipation I'm feeling at the thought of holding him in my arms again. I wait until he's sitting before I settle in behind him. I wrap my arms and legs around him, and hold on tight, my cheek resting on his back just long enough for me to feel his quick inhale turn into a much more relaxed exhale. I can't stop the grin that spreads across my face knowing that he's missed me as much as I've missed him. Gotcha, Mr. Ennis DelMar!

It's a little cramped in the tub, motel's in general not being known for having anything but practical fixtures in their bathrooms, but I welcome the close quarters as I grab a washcloth and start soaping it up. 

"Beats washing up in the chilly mountain water, doesn't it?" I murmur the words next to his ear, my fingers busy dragging the soapy washcloth over his too thin but still well-muscled chest. He hums in agreement, shifting his weight back more firmly against my cock which slides easily into the crack of his ass.

For a few minutes the only sound is the gentle drip of water as I continue to bathe him, soaping and rinsing in a rhythm that is at once hypnotic and exciting to us both. I slip my fingers under the water near his waist, sliding the washcloth over his hard cock down to his full, heavy balls, pausing to caress and stroke the evidence of his arousal, desperate to prove to him that a loss of a limb has done nothing to dull my desire for him, and most importantly his ability to be sexually intimate with me. 

I let the washcloth float away in the bathwater as I cup his sac with one hand, and start jerking him off with the other, his quiet moans and panting breath music to my ears. His head falls back onto my shoulder, and I suck the wetness from his neck, taking small nips of his flesh between my teeth to subtly mark him once again as mine. 

He's pushing back against my dick in time to my stroking hand, and he whispers my name like a prayer, and as he starts to come, I look over his shoulder to watch his cock shoot ribbons of his seed all over my hand and his stomach.

He turns his face to mine, and we kiss, his mouth open and hungry, my tongue seeking and pushing fiercely past his lips. I raise one dripping hand to our joined lips, eager to enjoy the taste of him together. 

I'm pushing more insistently against his ass, and I almost shoot my own load when he whispers almost soundlessly, "Fuck me, Jack. I need to feel you inside of me."

Now, Ennis asking to be fucked is not as unusual as it would have been years ago, but it still thrills me to no end when he actually uses the words. I slide two fingers between my thrusting cock and his beautiful ass, quickly pressing my soapy, come slick digits into his tight hole. He moans and arches his back, but in just a few moments he's adjusted to the stretch and is fucking himself slowly on my fingers, the water helping to give him the leverage he needs without him needing to push off with his legs. 

I tap against his hole with a third finger, sliding it in beside the other two, drawing an "Oh fuck, Jack" from deep within his chest. I've had about as much delay as my impatient cock can take, so I remove my fingers gently, replacing them with the head of my cock, biting down on Ennis's shoulder as he pushes me balls deep inside of him. It's a familiar tight heat that takes my breath away as always, but I place my hands on his hips, and we begin a sort of bounce fuck combination that I'm sure doesn’t look as good as it feels. But it allows him to ride my cock, giving him as much control as he needs so as not to feel like he isn’t my equal in this, something I knew was going to be an ongoing issue between us. 

The water was splashing violently within a short time as my thrusts deepen and his speed matches my own. I reach around with one hand, finding that he was hard again, which added fuel to my own fire especially when I feel his muscles clench around me signaling his second orgasm and triggering mine in a white hot flash of lightning. 

In that one perfect moment, we are forever young and whole, life's trials and tribulations forgotten blissfully. Frustration and pain did not exist. 

Our mouths meet again, at first roughly, then gentling as our heart rates settle to a normal rate, and our brains begin to function on a level where coherent thoughts returned.

Finally, he leans back against me again, more heavily than before, his exhaustion apparent, although from what I can see of his face, his expression was as close to content as it was likely to get. 

"Here." I say quietly, using my big toe to open the drain. "Let's get rid of this murky water." I smile as a laugh rumbles through his body; with a gallon of spunk in the water we’re just as badly in need of a bath as we were when we began. 

As the tub empties, I stand and help him to his feet, this time holding his biceps firmly, using my right hand to briefly reach across him to switch on the shower. "We'll make this one quick. Hold on to that safety rail while I have a little clean fun." 

He groans as though in pain at my lame attempt at humor, but I'm encouraged by his change of mood. For the first time since I found him this morning, he's beginning to resemble the Ennis I've known for so many years. I'm not naive enough to think it will be sunshine and lollipops from now on, but it's a good start. 

I lather up his hair, massaging his scalp in the way I know he enjoys, letting him take care of revisiting his body with soap. I turn him in my arms so we are once again back to chest, washing my own hair, and letting the hot, steamy spray from the shower rinse us off together. 

I can see his fatigue getting stronger as he relaxes more in my arms, so I shut off the water, grabbing the towels I left on the rack next to the tub, drying him off without having him move away from me, letting him return the favor when he makes a sound of displeasure when I move to dry myself off. 

"I can do that." His tone is part defiance, part confidence, so I place my hands on his hips after he turns, trying to subtly steady him as he awkwardly, yet thoroughly towels me dry. 

I kiss him in thanks, trying to let my touch instill the faith I have that he will overcome this latest curve ball life has thrown at him, and the hope that he will agree to let me help him as a partner and a friend. 

I feel his body start to shake; both from emotion and fatigue, so I murmur wordless sounds of love against his lips, and begin the delicate process of getting him safely into the bedroom without making him feel like an invalid. 

I'm impatient to start discussing the details and possibilities of treatment or physical therapy with him, but I can see how bone-tired he is as he practically drags himself to the bed. 

Still naked, he drops down onto the bed, not even bothering to complain as I pull the covers over his body. I smile down at him, brushing his wet hair back off of his forehead telling him to rest because we have a lot to discuss when he wakes up. He frowns, but for once, he's too tired to argue. I know I have my work cut out for me, so I walk around to the other side of the bed, slipping in beside him, arms wrapping firmly around him, my legs resting against his. He stiffens for a second as my foot brushes against the skin of his damaged leg, but I simply kiss his bare shoulder, and he gives up the fight, drifting off into a restless sleep. 

Suddenly, I realize just how tired I am, and I close my eyes, the scent of his skin and the warmth of his body against mine, lulling me into a relieved sleep. I whisper a prayer of thanks that I've found him, asking for the strength to guide us both through this latest hardship together.

Come hell or high water, I vow to never let him go again.


End file.
